The Kaiba Clause
by Miake Yuy
Summary: Kaiba gets a job as...SANTA??? Please R+R
1. Default Chapter

Miake: I don't own YGO...but if I did.............  
  
Kaiba: I don't even want to think about it.  
  
***********  
  
Kaiba: I don't know what Mokuba wants for Christmas.  
  
Miake: So why don't you ask him.  
  
Kaiba: He still believes in Santa.  
  
Joey: Wait, you mean there isn't a Santa?  
  
Kaiba: Go away dog boy.  
  
Miake: Dog boy, kinda like Inu Yasha, I like that show.  
  
Kaiba: You're weird.  
  
Yugi: How about telling Mokuba to write a Christmas list.  
  
Kaiba: Mokuba has bad handwriting.  
  
Miake: It cannot be worse than mine.  
  
Kaiba: And yet it can.  
  
Yami Bakura: How about you take over his mind.  
  
Malik: Mind control is my job.  
  
Pegasus: So what are you going to do Kaiba-boy.  
  
Kaiba: Will you NOT CALL ME THAT! It's bad enough having Miake around to think of annoying nicknames for me.  
  
Miake: Yes Seto-san, Kaiba-kun and all the other names I call you.  
  
Kaiba: I just want to get my brother a good Christmas gift.  
  
Miake: How sweet ^_^  
  
Bakura: I've got an idea!  
  
Kaiba: It had better be a good one.  
  
Bakura: Why don't you go to the mall get a job and dress up as Santa Clause! Then we'll take Mokuba to the mall to tell Santa what he wants this year. He'll really be telling you.  
  
Kaiba: I AM NOT DRESSING UP AS SANTA!  
  
*the next day*  
  
Kaiba: I don't know why I'm going through with your plan Bakura. *wearing the Santa outfit* When I'm out of this I swear I'll kill you.  
  
Yami Bakura: NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST!  
  
Tea: Can we please keep the killing to a minimum.  
  
Miake: My minimum is one person per hour.  
  
Tea: You're sick.  
  
Kaiba: This is the most degrading thing I've done since Mokuba signed me up for that underwear modeling contest.  
  
Miake: WHOA! WHEN did this happen?  
  
Kaiba: I'm not telling you. *coughHENTAIcough*  
  
Miake: I'm NOT hentai.  
  
Kaiba: I'm going to the mall. I'll see you later.  
  
Joey: I like the outfit!  
  
Kaiba: Shut up.  
  
*Kaiba leaves for the mall and one hour later we leave for the mall*  
  
Mokuba: How come Seto didn't want to come to the mall with us?  
  
Miake: Because I'm here. He doesn't like me *sigh*.  
  
Tristan: No one likes you Miake.  
  
Miake: Ya know what. You haven't said anything this whole time and THAT'S what you choose to say!!! Insulting fanfic writers can be bad for your health.  
  
Tristan: I'm sorry.  
  
Yugi: So, where should we go Mokuba?  
  
Mokuba: I want to see Santa.  
  
Miake: Me too.  
  
Mokuba: Why?  
  
Miake: I have my reasons...  
  
Mokuba: Are you going to ask Santa to make my brother like you.  
  
Miake: *face turns VERY red* Um, he he, I guess, I mean no er ok.  
  
Yami Bakura: I don't like the mall.  
  
Bakura: So go back in the ring.  
  
Yami Bakura: I don't want to. It's boring in there. And I need to replace the air conditioner.  
  
Joey: You have an air conditioner.  
  
Yami: It's what all the Yamis are getting these days.  
  
Yugi: Cool.  
  
Yami: Yes, literally.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Kaiba: *thinking to self* I hate kids. Why am I doing this. I don't like being all happy. When is Mokuba coming, I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!  
  
Yugi: LOOK AT THAT LINE TO SEE SANTA!  
  
Miake: Poor Kaiba.  
  
Yami: SHHHHHHH!  
  
Mokuba: Huh.  
  
Yami: Nothing, Miake was just hallucinating! It happens a lot. I think she ate a diseased cow.  
  
Miake: *tries not to crack up* Yeah, diseased cow, that's right....nice one Yami.  
  
Yami: Not any worse than you!  
  
Miake: I guess we're going to have to wait here for an hour.  
  
Kaiba: *thinking to self* I really don't want to do this anymore. I swear I'm going to kill Bakura, but if I do, Bakura fans will kill me, and if that happens Miake will die because she just will. Curse the world*  
  
************  
  
Will Kaiba survive being Santa? Will we all go crazy waiting in line? Will Miake blow Kaiba's cover because she has a big mouth and doesn't shut up...(I knew Kaiba wrote that part). Find all the answers in Chapter 2!  
  
Please review. Arigatou! 


	2. Chapter 2

Miake: Well, I missed yet another day at school because I was sick. I could barely walk because I was all dizzy.  
  
Kaiba: I've been taking care of her.  
  
Miake: So you really DO care about me?  
  
Kaiba: Don't count on it.  
  
Miake: He'll never admit it.  
  
Kaiba: I'll do the disclaimer though.  
  
Miake: Ok.  
  
Kaiba: Miake doesn't own YGO.  
  
***********  
  
Mokuba: This line is soooooooo loooooong!  
  
Miake: I know. But seeing Santa is very important...  
  
Mokuba: I think Santa lost a little weight.  
  
Joey: Yeah, he had high blood pressure.  
  
Tristan: Almost got a heart attack.  
  
Mokuba: Or maybe he got liposuction.  
  
Tea: Why do you know about liposuction?  
  
Mokuba: I think that's what Seto had.  
  
Miake: SETO HAD LIPOSUCTION???  
  
Mokuba: I don't know for sure but how else could he be that skinny.  
  
Pegasus: Perhaps Kaiba-boy has an eating disorder.  
  
Mokuba: No, he eats. And why do you call him "Kaiba-boy"?  
  
Pegasus: I don't really know.  
  
Kaiba: *sees Mokuba in line* *thinks to self, FINALLY! After Mokuba comes I'm leaving*  
  
Yugi: So, what do you want for Christmas Mokuba?  
  
Mokuba: I don't quite know. I'm still thinking about it.  
  
Yami Bakura: Well, don't think about it too much now.  
  
Mokuba: Yeah, we have a long time to wait in this line.  
  
Miake: *whispers to Yami Bakura* Why don't you want him to think about it?  
  
Yami Bakura: Because I want Kaiba to be dressed as Santa and be humiliated for as long as possible.  
  
Miake: That's mean.  
  
Yami Bakura: Why don't YOU sit on "Santa's" lap and tell him what you want for Christmas.  
  
Miake: Because I'll crack up and Kaiba will hurt me.  
  
Yami Bakura: But I want him to be humiliated as much as possible.  
  
Miake: Ok.  
  
Yami Bakura: That was easy.  
  
Mokuba: What do you want for Christmas Yami Bakura?  
  
Yami Bakura: I want to take over the world. I never get anything good for Christmas.  
  
Miake: I'll get you something.  
  
Yami Bakura: Can you get me a world?  
  
Miake: Er, um, I'll work on that.  
  
*one hour later*  
  
Mokuba: Yea! It's my turn!  
  
Yami Bakura: Take a picture. I need to have a copy of this.  
  
Miake: Ok.  
  
Mokuba: Before I tell you want I want for Christmas I was wondering, did you go on a diet Santa?  
  
Kaiba: Uh, yea. High blood pressure.  
  
Joey: I KNEW IT!  
  
Kaiba: *refrains from telling Joey to shut up*  
  
Mokuba: For Christmas I want the new Duel Disk System, my brother invented it. But he always says it's too dangerous for a kid like me to have one. But I REALLY want one.  
  
Kaiba: It IS kind of dangerous.  
  
Mokuba: But you'll get me one RIGHT SANTA!  
  
Miake: *dying trying not to laugh*  
  
Mokuba: And I want one other thing.  
  
Kaiba: Yes?  
  
Mokuba: I want the Limp Bizkit cd.  
  
Miake: Darnit, I knew I shouldn't have let him borrow my cd's...now I'm going to get in trouble for letting him listen to Limp Bizkit.  
  
Kaiba: I don't think a kid like you should be listening to that.  
  
Mokuba: I borrowed at from my friend Miake.  
  
Miake: *blushes* No Miake here.  
  
Mokuba: Miake likes my brother. I know she doesn't want to ask because she doesn't want to be seen with Santa because she's a big kid but I know what she wants for Christmas.  
  
Miake: Mokuba! How do you know what I want for Christmas?  
  
Mokuba: Because I'm smart. You want a date with my brother, RIGHT?  
  
Miake: Yeah.............*face has turned red* Yami Bakura, I no longer like this idea.  
  
Yami Bakura: Now there's two mortified people. I like this idea even more.  
  
Miake: *sigh* Why do I bother.  
  
Kaiba: So, *points to Miake* You're Miake?  
  
Miake: Uh, yeah!  
  
Kaiba: Why do you want a date with Mokuba's brother?  
  
Miake: Because, he's sweet and kind and cool and smart and funny and beautiful and perfect.  
  
Kaiba: Really now?  
  
Miake: Yes, really.  
  
Yami Bakura: Ok, this is just too sappy. I think I'm just going to die.  
  
Mokuba: Ok, I think we can go now.  
  
Yami Bakura: I need to get a picture first.  
  
Kaiba: *thinks to self: darn you Yami Bakura*  
  
*later that day*  
  
Mokuba: That was fun going to the mall. Where did you go Seto?  
  
Kaiba: I went Christmas shopping.  
  
Mokuba: For who?  
  
Kaiba: No one.  
  
Mokuba: Tell me! I bet you got something for me didn't you.  
  
Kaiba: What would give you that idea?  
  
Mokuba: I think I have you all figured out!  
  
************** Has Mokuba really figured out what's going on? Stay tuned for chapter 2.  
  
Please review. Thanx. 


	3. Chapter 3

Miake: Sorry I haven't updated in a couple days. I was busy...watching the Survivor finale (Bryan won :) and doing homework.  
  
Kaiba: Miake and her Survivor obsession.  
  
Miake: It's a good show. Kind of random information but ever since I've been sick my voice is REALLY low.  
  
Kaiba: It's lower than my voice.  
  
Miake: It scares my friends. Anyway, enough about me...  
  
Kaiba: Miake doesn't own YGO.  
  
Miake: Sad ain't it.  
  
**************  
  
Mokuba: I have you all figured out.  
  
Kaiba: What are you talking about.  
  
Mokuba: Kaiba wouldn't just leave me with Yugi let alone Miake--  
  
Miake: Hey! What's that supposed to mean!  
  
Mokuba: It means he doesn't like you.  
  
Miake: *sweatdrop*  
  
Mokuba: So he wanted you to take me to see Santa but he REALLY wanted to buy Christmas presents so he put a transmitter on Santa so he would know what I wanted without having to ask me because he still thinks I believe in Santa.  
  
Kaiba: You DON'T????  
  
Mokuba: No. I saw you wrapping presents last Christmas.  
  
Kaiba: SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO ANY OF THIS????  
  
Yami Bakura: I love when people are humiliated, proven wrong and basically make fools out of themselves.  
  
Yami: That's not nice. You're giving us Yamis a bad name.  
  
Yami Bakura: And I care WHY?  
  
Mokuba: I'm really confused...what REALLY happened.  
  
Kaiba: I was dressed as Santa............  
  
Mokuba: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *rolling on the floor laughing)  
  
Miake: Isn't that great!  
  
Kaiba: You usually stand up for me.  
  
Miake: But it was so funny! I mean you were SANTA! He's all jolly and friendly and you're never jolly and at least to me you're not very friendly.....  
  
Mokuba: *laughing so hard he's crying* HAHAHA  
  
Kaiba: Will you SHUT UP MOKUBA!  
  
Miake: And Yami Bakura has pictures! Wanna see?  
  
Kaiba: I'd like to just die.  
  
Miake: Don't die.  
  
Kaiba: Why?  
  
Miake: Because then I'll be sad and all the other Kaiba fans will be sad and then Mokuba would have no one to take care of him.  
  
Kaiba: Fine, but I'm going to kill Yami Bakura.  
  
Miake: I'd highly advise you to not do that.  
  
Kaiba: And I highly advise you to shut up but you never listen.  
  
Yami Bakura: *passing around pictures of Kaiba dressed as Santa*  
  
Mokuba: I'm gonna bring these to school.  
  
Kaiba: No you're not.  
  
Yugi: C'mon, lighten up Kaiba.  
  
Pegasus: Yea Kaiba-boy.  
  
Kaiba: It's just Kaiba, not Kaiba-boy. Just plain Kaiba.  
  
Joey: Wait so you're not a boy?  
  
Miake: Ok, that was wrong.  
  
Joey: I was just--  
  
Miake: Please try to be appropriate people, Mokuba's here. Don't want to scar him for life do we.  
  
Mokuba: MY BROTHER IS SANTA! HAHAHA *starts laughing again*  
  
Kaiba: I think it's too late for that.  
  
Yami: Actually, I think these pictures bring out the true you Kaiba.  
  
Kaiba: *rolls eyes* I've had enough of you people.  
  
Miake: Wanna bake Christmas cookies with me?  
  
Kaiba: NO! The thought of you operating a stove just scares me.  
  
Miake: I only ever set the microwave on fire. I forgot to take the metal twist-tie off the bag of chocolate.  
  
Kaiba: Why the heck where you microwaving chocolate?  
  
Miake: It had been in the fridge and it was hard and I couldn't bite into it at all.  
  
Kaiba: The human race is doomed to stupidity....  
  
Yami Bakura: Beginning with you.  
  
Kaiba: I'm not stupid.  
  
Tristan: So what are we going to do now. Mokuba knows about everything that went on, we're done shopping, I'M BORED!  
  
Miake: Why don't we--  
  
Kaiba: What ever she says, don't do it.  
  
Mai: I think you're just teasing her. I think you really like her.  
  
Kaiba: *gives Mai a VERY evil glare*  
  
Yugi: I know what we can do. Let's have a Christmas party!  
  
Yami Bakura: Do we get to set the tree on fire?  
  
Yugi: No, why?  
  
Yami Bakura: It's a Christmas tradition.  
  
Yami: Only in your own demented head.  
  
*Yami Bakura fans get VERY mad at Yami*  
  
Miake: I think a Christmas party sounds fun.  
  
Tristan: Hey........has anyone seen Tea?  
  
Everyone: *shakes their heads no*  
  
Tristan: I think we left her at the mall.  
  
*********  
  
Well, Tea has somehow dissapeared. Yami Bakura REALLY wants to burn down the Christmas tree and I WANT SOME CHRISTMAS COKKIES!!! Stay tuned for chapter 4  
  
Please review, thanx 


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